Where would I be; if I never walked the 500-mile Camino de Santiago?
Walking the Camino taught me how to handle disappointment. What is disappointment? When other people do not do what I would do or what I think they should do? How about if I do not live up to the standards I expect from myself? People handle these conflicts differently. Some get angry, others blame someone or something and many go into denial, it’s my parent’s fault I turned out like this or the government, they could even blame God! They may even use the excuse, “It was meant to be,” when we have just made wrong choices. I have been guilty of all the above!
I live an optimistic life, but at times fall back to my old ways, however, I only visit those, “no fun,” places. Most of you know me and I never give up, this is just another challenge in my life, however, yesterday, was one of those, no fun moments. I wanted what I wanted, “NOW!” I shared my frustrations with my sister, Joy, and she said, “Things happen in God’s time not yours!” I responded, “How, can I straighten him out?” She laughed.
No question my journey walking the Camino has been the greatest experience in my life. So many life lessons learned. The most important one was, “WHY AM I HERE, ON THIS EARTH?” I discovered the answer for that question. In the back of my mind yesterday, I thought “How can I fulfill my mission when my health will not let me?”
Friday, I had, which I hoped would be my final appointment at Mayo Clinic, I was expecting to hear, “Your good to go,” back to Thailand. That didn’t happen! I thought, I have been in bed unable to walk for eight months and now I can walk, I don’t even need assistance and have little pain. Thinking, I am cured!
My back issue is healing and I am happy with my progress. However, the other problems related to my strokes and heart will keep me in the U.S. for at least one more month. The doctor said, I am at a high risk, for me to check out, “The Other Side.” So I will follow his orders, I told him, I am having too much fun with this life thing. By the way, he also walked the Camino; so, we had lots to talk about. He also said, that I cannot even consider my walk across Death Valley. I want to do this to support my friend Farah, with her new projects in Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia. So that is on hold for the moment.
Anyway guys, my spirits are great with hope my body will follow. If we get disappointed about anything; let’s make it temporary! Lov….Jim
I am working on my book about my experience walking the Camino, “Sticks and Stones,”and it’s not about walking. Writing this is an exciting moment for me to relive all the life changing moments. I will have it finished in April, 2015.
How do you handle disappointment? Tell me, in the box below.
Another fun video I made of the “other,” talent at Mayo Clinic.
Welcome back to “Sunday Morning Coffee with Jim,” hope you haven’t been going through any coffee withdrawal? This will be published once a month because I am going full-time on my book about the lessons learned from my Camino de Santiago walk. The title may be, “STICKS AND STONES.”The meaning is not what you may think?
What a whirlwind my life has been on since I walked the 500 mile Camino de Santiago. When you walk for 56 days by yourself, life answers come to you when you don’t even know the questions? Now, I know the questions! I have been on my back for eight months and question everything; WHY ME?
Accepting things the way they are, has exceptions. When life throws challenges it is easy to say “That’s the way it is!” Or, do you look for other options? The blocking point is always feared. The fear of accepting things the way they are or going agents the grain and look for new ways to accomplish what you really want.
I am still at Mayo Clinic, which I consider has the best medical care in the world. The good news is I am walking again, even without a walker plus, my back pain is gone. It’s been a long eight months lying on my back. I don’t like to say, “The Bad News is,” but the challenges I still face is my blackout issue and the strokes. I had a second stroke here at Mayo Clinic. They feel the blackout problem is not related to my back problem or the strokes. They feel I will have to live with this challenge. I am not at the point of accepting this; it will be difficult living with this the rest of my life. The strokes still has the doctors puzzled how someone as healthy as me, could have this happen, but feel it can be controlled with medication.
So, this brings me to the question of acceptance? Most of you know me and throwing in the towel is never on my agenda. However everyone has a breaking point, as I did fighting my addiction with drugs and alcohol. Not until I surrendered and said “I give up,” I cannot do this alone, did I find to door to live in peace. “I can’t,”….”We can,” has been my answer. “We,” can be your God/Higher Power, the Universe, or a group of people who has gone through what we could be facing. Today, I use this when I face the fear of acceptance. These are some lessons I learned as I walked for 56 days on my Camino and will be with me the rest of my life.
I have received thousands of messages for my healing from around the world and they worked. I misunderstood the intent of all the prayers received. I thought that they would heal me when what I really wanted was to be at peace with where I was in life. I am at peace, the message; “I can be at peace and still be in pain and suffering is always a choice, but pain is not.” Thank you for bringing me back to my Camino lesson!
Lov….Jim Hope to be back in Thailand soon.Feel free to make a comment or suggestion in the box below.
A short story by Paulo Coelho, another pilgrim who walked the Camino. His book “The Alchemist,” is a great read!
Choosing One’s Destiny
Spiritual Story by Paulo Coelho
“I am willing to give up everything”, said the prince to the master. “Please accept me as your disciple.”
“How does a man choose his path?” asked the master.
“Through sacrifice,” answered the prince. “A path which demands sacrifice, is a true path.”
The master bumped into some shelves. A precious vase fell, and the prince threw himself down in order to grab hold of it. He fell badly and broke his arm, but managed to save the vase.
“What is the greater sacrifice: to watch the vase smash, or break one’s arm in order to save it?” asked the master.
“I do not know,” said the prince.
“Then how can you guide your choice for sacrifice? The true path is chosen by our ability to love it, not to suffer for it.”…. Paulo
This is the second video I made as I was waiting for my next appointment I had at Mayo Clinic. Known as one of the best places in the world for medical care, Mayo Clinic, has not only the best doctors, but the patients and staff supply entertainment. Unbelievable! “One day over the rainbow.” plus “Amazing Grace.” If your going to Mayo Clinic, in Rochester, Minnesota stay at the “Nazarene Well House,”contact, Linda Scott Day, click here. much more than a bed, their home is filled with love and compassion, my new family! ”
Welcome to, “Sunday Morning Coffee,” with Jim. I will be publishing this blog once a month instead of weekly, because I will be getting out of the nursing home and spending my time on getting my body in physical shape to go back to Thailand. I am also working full-time on my book about my journey walking the 500-mile Camino de Santiago. This week I will be going with my sister, Joy, and my friend Jimmy Haugen, to visit my brother and family in Wisconsin. Thanks for all your support with my challenges, you all have been my best medicine. I received over 1,000 messages from all over the world in the past seven months; I feel you helped me to grow new legs!
When do you say, “I have had it?” I surrender…. I can’t take it anymore!
I have been on my back for seven months and had the nerves burned in my back this week; it was successful. I have my back pain and don’t know it! I will be walking soon as my leg strength returns. I am very happy with the results. However, the other challenge I have with the blood flow to the brain which causes my dizzy almost blacking out issue is still a puzzle. No one can figure it out and my attempt to get into Mayo Clinic is slim, they said it would be six to 12 months to see the doctors. I have seen many doctors with no success on the diagnosis. So, after many months, I decided to go back to Thailand.
Does this mean; I give up? No, I just don’t know what to do, but will look into some natural healing methods in Thailand. Most of you know me and quitting is never an option, but I am running out of choices.
Is saying, “I surrender,” a sign of weakness?
I am not at the stage to accept living this way the rest of my life. My lifestyle would never be the same, and I just can’t go there. There are many things, I still need to do. Faith is an important part of my life, and I am proof that it works; I have done many things that people told me was unachievable. The only way I did accomplish these impossible dreams is when I changed the word “I,” to “We,” Today…. I am WE! “We,” is my Higher Power, God, my friends and the Universe. On my 500-mile journey, I walked by myself, but I was never alone!
When is the right time to quit or do you try one more time?
That’s the magic question, I try never to give up but everyone has a breaking point. Before I reach that point, I look for other options to accomplish my goal. How I do that; I search for someone who faced the same challenge. I learn from another’s experience, and that’s how the 12-step program works in A.A. the 12 steps help with any challenge a person may have. In time for me, the thought of drinking declined and living in peace was my only quest. At that point, I share my life experience with another who may still be suffering. And that’s how and why…. it works!
Everyone has lessons to learn and also teach!
I think we have all been there at one time or another. Not sure whether to say, “I have had it,” or try one more time. I have been in recovery from an alcohol and drug problem for quite a few years. I work with a lot of people who are, or trying to get clean and sober. I also spend time with families who want their loved ones to get back on track. I know the pain of feeling so helpless when someone you care about just doesn’t get it, and the only solution is to accept them the way they are; Easy to say, but so difficult to do. I know at that point you can’t give up. HOPE…. is always available if we choose.
ACCEPT, REJECT OR CHANGE.
It is all about change and choices we make plus what we do when we make an incorrect decision, and then how we celebrate the right things we do and even the lessons from the wrong choices. That is when my life is filled with gratitude.
I will keep you posted about my life on Face Book, and I do want to know about your life. I am always open to suggestions you may have. Of course, I will be working on new projects when I get back to Thailand and love to have visitors. Lov, Jim jimideaman@netzero.net
I invite any comments in the box below.
Sometimes I have to read many stories to add to my blog, it has to be something that relates to my weekly story. This one talks about the gifts of life that comes from things that go wrong. It is from one of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho who also walked the Camino and wrote my top choice in books “The Alchemist.” I recommend it! This story came from his book “Like the Flowing River.”
A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point he asked:
‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’
His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:
I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’
Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special.
‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’
‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.’
‘First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.’
‘Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpener. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.
‘Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.’
‘Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.’
‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. in just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action’
My Father always said, “I would rather go through life trusting people and be lied to once in a while then go to go through life trusting no one!”…. Hope you enjoy your,” Sunday Morning Coffee with Jim.”
My dad was a great person, and I wanted to be like him. Although he kept telling me, I was OK the way I was. I wondered if he wanted to change that statement when I became a teenager. He was an example of trust; he lived his life trusting others, with that he got respect in return.
However, what happens when the trust is broken? Is it intentionally or was it because of unforeseen circumstances? Many times when that trust is broken it turns into anger and then the real damage begins with resentments. The word resentments come from the Latin word re-sentire which means to re-feel. The English word has become synonymous with anger and spite.
We all know people who had a promise broken and the trust dissolved, only to lead to a lifelong battle. This resentment challenge can go way beyond a person; it may be the color of a person or even a political party. I know people who will not be associated with someone if they are a Republican/ Demarcate or from a different country, all because of a resentment! I don’t trust them, is heard around the world.
What has worked for me, if someone has lost trust in me all I can say is, “I am sorry,” sometimes they will accept it? I cannot make someone let me back into his or her life if they don’t want it! If someone has broken the trust, I have with them, I need to forgive them. When I do, I am at peace. Today I have zero resentments against anyone or any place. Believe me, it feels good!
This week I am giving my trust in my doctor, he will be burning the nerves on my spine. The good news is I will have pain…. and not know it! I hope to be going to the Mayo Clinic for my brain/ blood flow problem. When I get fully repaired I will be on my way back to Thailand.
This story is how we may be looking at things wrong, when we turn things around, trust can be born and our lives can be free of resentments!
Lov…Jim
Black or White
When I was in elementary school, I got into a major argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson I learned that day.
I was convinced that “I” was right and “he” was wrong – and he was just as convinced that “I” was wrong and “he” was right. The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson.
She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. “White,” he answered.
I couldn’t believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object.
The teacher told me to go stand where the boy was standing and told him to come stand where I had been. We changed places, and now she asked me what the color of the object was. I had to answer, “White.”
It was an object with two differently colored sides, and from his viewpoint it was white. Only from my side it was black.
Sometimes we need to look at the problem from the other person’s view in order to truly understand his/her perspective.
Author Unknown
What does this story mean to you? Please make comment.
Let’s all have a Good Morning Coffee with Jim; I hope with no side effects like the coffee coming out of your nose from my enema story!
I don’t know anyone who has not had bumps in his or her life. However, we handle these life encounters differently! I see people responding to things in ways I would not even consider. This is when I realized, my actions many times are not understood by others. The question is, “Can I go around the bumps so a problem can’t even begin, or are the bumps just unavoidable?”
“Until the whole world is free to agree with you or disagree with you, until you have given the freedom to everyone to like you or not like you, to love you or hate you, to see things as you see them, or to see things differently – until you have given the whole world its freedom – you’ll never have your freedom.” ~ Adyashanti Meditation Masters’s photo.
So much of what I write about now, has the Camino de Santiago 500-mile walking journey experience attached. Walking alone for 56 days without any electronic connection to the world has opened an energy link that I did not know existed. It was filled with peace, serenity and mystery. No, you don’t have to take a 500-mile walk to get to that calm part of life we all seek. For me, I could not avoid these mental mountains I am climbing. Fear can make me or break me. The truth is I am still at peace with everything that’s going on in my life! That doesn’t mean; I never have uncertainty.
For people who have the courage to change those bumps into a level balance life, (and yes it does take courage,) we face the fear factor! To stay the way we are and conform is easy.This week I was filled with fear, I did not want to stay in the nursing home. I knew if I stayed one more month it would take all my money, and I would not be able to come home for Christmas, which has been a family tradition all my life; I had fear of staying and leaving. So, I decided to leave, not sure where I would go. A friend offered me a place to stay about four hours away, or I could go back to Thailand, not knowing if I would ever find a solution to my health issue.
CAN…. “OTHER PEOPLE HELP OR HINDER OUR LIFE?
Or is it really up to me?
One friend said he would support me whatever I decided to do. Everyone else said I was crazy; I had one more appointment coming up that may shed some light on my confusion problem. Other people; could they be right and I am wrong? I must say I am a very open-minded person and I do listen to other people’s view/ opinions. It did not feel right, however, I decided to stay. When I write this, I share what has gone on in my life this week. Even though I know most of you are not in a nursing home, but I feel some of you may be facing choices and not sure where to turn. I do feel you can relate to this uncomfortable position. My final choice is Mayo Clinic and I am working on that. So far, the doctors can’t figure it out, what should I do? It does not sound complicated to me, the blood does not flow to my brain the way it should! Which brings me to the “other people,” problem, doctors included.
When we deal with people who cannot see your point of view….
What do we do? Say, “Thank you?”
I think we all have dealt with people who just do not understand when we know; our advice/ experience can benefit them. Of course, this happens often with children; they don’t listen! It‘s like we constantly talk about them….never us. My friend is a huge Chicago Bears fan, and he invariably says, “They lost,” but when they win he says, “We won!” It’s seemed like we all want to be on the winning side of everything? And when we’re not; those bumps appear.
Could it be true, if I have a problem with another person, the problem is me?
Alternatively, is it me; not accepting them the way they are…. my solution?
This weeks story; I have read a parable similar to this before, this time I got a different message. Ask yourself, like I did, am I the Farmer, the mule, or one of the person’s watching? Do other people rule or influence how we live? Enjoy and study the story. Please make a comment below.By the way, I am doing great with my walker, can’t do it alone…yet, the blood flow to the brain still in question? Love you guys Jim
Face Difficulties Positively
This parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule. The mule fell into the farmer’s well. The farmer heard the mule praying or whatever mules do when they fall into wells. After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer sympathized with the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth the trouble of saving. Instead, he called his neighbors together, told them what had happened, and enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery. Initially the old mule was hysterical! But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought struck him. It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back, HE WOULD SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP! This he did, blow after blow. “Shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up!” He repeated to encourage himself. No matter how painful the blows, or how distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought panic and just kept right on SHAKING IT OFF AND STEPPING UP! It wasn’t long before the old mule, battered and exhausted, stepped triumphantly over the wall of that well! What seemed like it would bury him actually helped him … all because of the manner in which he handled his adversity. THAT’S LIFE! If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity.
Author UnknownFor me, I have been the farmer, crowd (friends?) and the mule, today, I ask what my past lesson was? I must always remember to visit the past; and not live there!….J
The next best thing to a tattoo!
I am so grateful to my many friends from around the world. David DePhillps, who I never meet in person, has been following me for over a year and heard about the challenges I have been facing. He sent me this as a gift so I can bring back a Camino memory at a glance. This is the sign that we pilgrims see all along the path of our journey, thanks David for your huge heart. For my pilgrim friends, CLICK HERE for more information.
Welcome to “Sunday Morning Coffee with Jim,” where I tell you about my “No Secret,” life, even if it’s about my enemas?
A painting from a high school friend Painter Charlie, her work is brilliant!
Last week’s story about my seven enemas exploded (almost like my stomach) around the world, and I got emails from over 15 countries.
At least now I know it’s an international problem; that they “won’t,” talk about on C.N.N.
I asked myself why this story got so much attention. Is it because I write about what people think and don’t talk about? Or is it the touch of humor that softens some of the gruesome details? …. Literally, enemas do that! By the way, I’m clean, no enemas this week.
Last week, we got some fantastic comments, but this one nearly made me get up and walk…. love it!
From Susan, “Ah, Jim…I’m so sorry, but I tried hard not to laugh, and I failed. I snorted my Sunday morning coffee, through my nose!”
Now that kind of statement made my day, CLICK HERE to check out other people’s thoughts in last week’s comment section.
I might write more un-comfortable stories like; when I expel gas (fart) all by myself, it doesn’t bother me but when other people do it? I think the world is going to come to an end, how can they be so rude?… Just thinking about it?
WHY DID YOU LIKE THIS STORY? I think people just like stories. For me, I reflect back; some of my greatest life lessons came from stories. I remember in high school I had a math teacher, Mr. Peterson, even today I remember his narratives, and always respected his view on life that he told us through stories. How about the fairytale’s, we heard from mom or our kindergarten teacher, a story with a moral and a lesson that we can instantly use in our life. At five years old, in kindergarten, 1950, I saw “The Wizard of Oz,” I remember that day!
So, why did my enema story caused all the excitement? I think, first off; people want real-life stories. They also want to know that other people think like they do, but never talk about certain subjects. Is it proper to be speech-less and not talk about what is really on our mind? I have found out this week, one way to open that door is humor.
I have discovered for the past five months to get over pain, physical and mental is to add a smile. Now for me this is a delicate matter, because it’s easy to hide out with humor and never deal with “What ails me?”
I think we all know people who always would kid around, and we have no idea what is really going on in their head. Here is an example; my life was filled with success and failures, with that I lost tangible and intangible things. The most pain I had, was when the trust I had from others vanished and that included, the ones I loved most. I would have a drink and make jokes about it; denying I even had an issue.
I remember one time I was having a car repossessed, saying, “Great, no more payments,” laughing on the outside, crying on the inside. I would drink and tell funny stories, not even knowing, internally, I was screaming for help. I was filled with fear because I did not have the courage to say, “I am sorry, I was wrong!”
I had to own up to all the incorrect things I did in my life, not easy; however, it was something I had to do! I gave up drinking and drugs, and made amends to the best of my ability; even knowing some may never accept me back into their lives. Only then, I felt whole again and realized I am not in this alone! AND….I can breathe and have enemas, knowing you may like me the way I am?
I spent much of my life trying to become someone I was not. On my 500 mile walk, the Camino de Santiago, I discovered it’s OK to be me. I took myself on a mental journey, back to birth (remember I am walking the 56 days, usually alone) I was the perfect child, flawless… I took all the good things I had learned and the lessons from all the bad stuff from my life and re-created Jim, who laughs, cries and enjoys every moment of life. My past ten years have been great but a year ago as I was walking the Camino; everything fit together perfectly, which was always my Higher Powers intention!
This is just one of the miracles that happened from my Camino Journey; I was reunited with my son after 30 years…. CLICK HERE.
A part of what I wrote above is from my book, “STICKS AND STONES,”…. Coming, December 2014
This entire story blends into an exciting moment this week; two high school friends Charley and Paulette organized a party for me with some of my school friends. My friend came to the nursing home loaded up me and my wheelchair, and off we went, to Jake’s Pour House in La Salle, we had a great time.
Thanks Paulette for the photo! Why am I the only one with no gray hair…naturally? Of course, the first question they asked was, “How was your enema today?” Love these guys!
What a difference 50 years makes?
This gathering turned out to be what I wanted, about us, not me, which was a beautiful connection to all our lives. We are all in our mid to late 60s, a time in our lives when the big things (material) in life are unimportant. I liked what my friend Charlene said, “We all look the same!” What that meant to me…. The gray hair, bigger bellies, bank accounts or even a wheel chair did not make any difference!
Accepting people for whom they are, is what I felt, does turning 60- something, do that? Do you have to take a path in life filled with joy, pain and fear to get to this stage? Is our final lesson, to live in this moment and be in total peace? I did not get the feeling that, anyone was thinking, “IS THAT ALL THERE IS?” Thanks guys, a fantastic group of fun people, today we still do everything, it’s just a little slower.
We are making plans for our 100th class reunion, 2063, already have five signed up! Love, Jim
I have a friend that I recently told me he witnessed something as a child, in his mind it was so bad he couldn’t even tell the priest in confession. Today it really wouldn’t be a big deal, he is over it. But that is not the important part, when it happened it was terrifying. It affected his life for many years. He was filled with shame and guilt because of his “bad confession.” If you have a secret that affects you like that, tell someone, do not take it to the grave! WHY…it messes up you trying to enjoy the moment. I know; I did that myself. and now, I can breathe!
Paulo Coelho is one of my favorite author’s, not just because he walked the Camino, but his early life was so much like mine. The “Alchemist,” is the best book I have ever read or reading, I am taking my time with it, like I don’t want it to end. The story below is from one of his other books “A Manual of the Warrior of the light.” What I did when I read this was read each statement and answers it with my own thought. It walked me through my life and showed me all that I have to be grateful for! I love this life….Jim …. Are you a Warrior?
A painting from an old high school friend Painter Charlie, her work is brilliant! Even looking at this will make your coffee/tea taste better.
Welcome to “Sunday Morning Coffee with Jim,”Of course all my friends in Thailand and other parts of the globe plus all my pilgrim buddy’s from the Camino...it’s OK if you drink tea! I hope to be walking soon, this being on my back for five months is not fun, however I made the best of it and have made hundreds of new friends from around the world. Who said.“Everything happens for a reason?”I have now discovered the reason! All I had to do was close my eyes?
Yesterday I went through one of the most terrifying moments of my life!
NO ONE could understand how this felt,
unless you were inside my head.
HOW DO I EXPLAIN SOMETHING THAT NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND?
When I walked the Camino, on my 56 day journey, I entered a world that was detached from life as we know it. I have shared my experience walking as a pilgrim with thousands of people, many in person and even more through some of the talks that I have given. I have expanded sharing my story through the written word.
I do close my eyes and write; I do open them to find the right keys on my computer. I am a very slow writer because I dip into my storage bank which we call “The Brain,” and then go to the heart which is filled with only love and compassion. In the end, I come up with the direction where I want my life to go. I examine my many life experiences, knowing not to repeat all the bad stuff and change my actions and even as important my thinking. When I get to that point, I have one goal, to share my lessons with another, and here I am.
WHEN WE SHARE OUR EXPERIENCE WITH ANOTHER
WHO STILL SUFFERS….WE BOTH WIN!
Remember all I want to do is to be in total peace, all the time. I know I may never get to that point, but I also know I will never give up trying because that’s what keeps me going! Isn’t that what we all want, to be at peace even when in pain?
Now back to that scary moment in my life.
I think I am good at facing my fears; however, this went beyond fear as I know it, a place I never want to return. As you know, I have been faced with many challenges the past few months with my spine problem, which led me to not be able to walk because the nerves in my back is being pinched by the vertebrae, if I try to stand I collapse because it’s the only way to relieve the pain. I am making progress with that task.
I had to fly back to the US from my home in Thailand to get the medical care that I needed. It’s been five months of being on my back and in hospitals, I could have never done this on my own. I have had unlimited help from family and friends from around the world. Believe me the hundreds of emails, letters, phone calls and visits plus the financial help has given me the strength to go on. That alone is healing and is the best medicine I have received. After six weeks in the hospital, I had the stroke.
The stroke: The doctors are still shaking their heads saying,
I am way too healthy to have a stroke?
Nevertheless, I did! The damage was to my vision; I cannot see to my left or above. I can live with that, especially when I see other stroke victims that had losses much more than I have.
Today I face; my dizzy almost blacking out challenge which we thought was from the stroke? It is not vertigo, they call it lightheadedness, sounds like something simple….WRONG! Joy (my sister) and I went to see a neuro-ophthalmologist. They put a computer on my head that wrapped around with goggles over my eyes to measure my brain waves. I did not know what to expect. There were the doctor and three other assistants; my sister was watching.
They put me on a table and lowered the head, and I went crazy with the feeling that’s not explainable; I became very dizzy. My vision went from blurry to checkerboard, and my eyes rolled back and things went black; I knew I was taking my last breath and was going to die!The four of them held me down, and my only choice was to grab everyone and throw them off me. I don’t think I hurt anyone? It was “flight or fight.”This was the worse experience in my life! After the episode was over, I understood they had to do this to record my brain waves. I thought of my sister seeing me going through this; it was also scary for her.
What they discovered; my problem was not related to my stroke. What is causing it….they don’t know? The doctor said, “You, had a panic attack!” Of course, I did! I thought I would die, and that I don’t want; I am having too much fun living! He said, I should see a shrink and get medication for a panic attack, I said, we need to find the problem that is causing the dizzy/ blackout which is before I go into the panic attack; He had no answer. So, currently, we have no solution for my problem.
WHAT DO WE DO WHEN WE HAVE A PROBLEM AND
EVERYONE OR NO ONE HAS A SOLUTION?
Hmmm… ask the Doctors, no answer, Mr. Google…even more confusing, ask someone who went through what we’re going through?….YES! When that’s not available, I put it on the shelf (mentally) and go to bed and ask my higher power (God) to help out. I always get an answer, but not always the one I want!
AS I TYPE THIS, I AM IN TOTAL PEACE!
My sister Joy and I got this tattoo, “TODAY,” a few years ago, It reminds us when we start living too much in the past or the future we must bring ourselves back to today….the moment! That’s really what it’s all about.
Really, I am; I look around my little room in the nursing home and see all I have to be grateful for and that brings me to enjoy this moment and day.
For anyone who is in pain and suffering, please know everything is temporary! I know its difficult, however; the beginning of a solution is to believe that we “ARE NOT ALONE,” I know this is true, because I am no longer alone, and you are a part of my strength, and I am a part of yours….if you choose. So close your eyes and take a very deep breathe through your nose and exhale it slowly through your mouth….”IN WITH THE GOOD, OUT WITH THE BAD.”Think~Know~Peace!
We are not playing on our last string?….open your eyes; enjoy this weeks story!Lov….Jim
Hang In There
by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown
Nicolo Paganini was a well-known and gifted nineteenth century violinist. He was also well known as a great showman with a quick sense of humor. His most memorable concert was in Italy with a full orchestra. He was performing before a packed house and his technique was incredible, his tone was fantastic, and his audience dearly loved him. Toward the end of his concert, Paganini was astounding his audience with an unbelievable composition when suddenly one string on his violin snapped and hung limply from his instrument. Paganini frowned briefly, shook his head, and continued to play, improvising beautifully.
Then to everyone’s surprise, a second string broke, and shortly thereafter, a third. Almost like a slapstick comedy, Paganini stood there with three strings dangling from his Stradivarius. But instead of leaving the stage, Paganini stood his ground and calmly completed the difficult number on the one remaining string.
WHEN A STRING BRAKES IN OUR LIFE, LET’S STAY ON THE STAGE, FACE THE FEAR, AND THE SHOW WILL GO ON!
I would love to hear your comments in the box below, now don’t be scared, I want to know what this story means to you?
Photos….Google images.
Don’t forget to check out some more of my fun stuff, just click the names…
Welcome to “Sunday Morning Coffee with Jim,” I know its afternoon or evening for some of my friends on the other side of the globe, so, it’s OK if you drink tea! All my writing is inspired from my experience as I walked the Camino de Santiago.
HAVE YOU EVER SAID, “I DON’T NEED TO CHANGE,
I LIKE THE WAY I AM?”
I know I have…. that little guy inside us who has that four letter name that a start with “F,” is silently smiling. Now where is your mind going, it is not that,…. it’s FEAR!
All this week everyone seems to be talking about change? It’s so easy to leave everything the way it is; I used to say, “I like the way things are, and I’m happy!” The funny part was I really believed that! Even though, there was something inside me nagging away saying, “MORE!”
My 56-day Camino walk busted that little guy inside out of that cage which is actually “FEAR,” it was like a squeaking door that talked with that scary voice saying, “Come on in ‘If’ you have the guts?” We have all been there; and I know, it is easier to conform than confront!
When did we lose that beauty of the innocent child? Remember when we had a million questions and asked … “Why, mommy/ daddy?” and, got the same answer, “Because I said so, that’s why!”
Over the years, we slowly drift into a person that our society designs and we don’t even know it!…. Is that bad? ….
Are you doing the same thing today…that you did yesterday…?
How about tomorrow…?
I am an expert at mistakes! I do not like to look stupid in front of others, yet I take that chance and challenge myself one more time, even at the risk of ridicule and hear those harsh words, “I told you so!”
Many people want us to live and believe like they do, trying to strip the natural beauty that we were all born with; how dare they!
This whole story can be summed up into this next sentence…How shameful of me to tell anyone they must believe, think, live and even feel the way I do!
I am the only person I can change.
This does not mean if you feel someone is going down the wrong path; you say or do nothing. However, this is a time for caution; things can get ugly or turn into compassion and empathy. This is definitely a fragile moment; we have all heard or even ourselves used those harsh words that ended in a disaster, many times followed by ‘And we never talked again!”STOP….THINK….BREATH
You know what I really like about writing this stuff is, I can close my eyes and detach from my head and reach into my heart and just let it flow. I know the punctuation, format and even spelling is not politically correct, however, I write this; as if you were sitting next to me, having a conversation. This is my therapy, and it works. I start with my head/ brain, (didn’t damage it all with the stroke,) close my eyes, my heart flows in, and then the most important part, my soul/ universe/ higher power/ God, hops on the bandwagon. This blend makes Jim, a good boy, (whoops not always good?)….it does put me in balance and yes, even as I lay in bed for the past few months, no, not perfect, but….progress, not…. perfection!
SO IF CHANGE = FEAR, what else is needed to get to where we want to go? Which of course is “PEACE?”
Could it be that highly misunderstood word…. LOVE? This word is used by everyone every day. But what does it really mean? I love…. prime rib, to read a book, travel, my dog, my spouse/ family. I looked up “love,” in the thesaurus and got many answers. However, when I again close my eyes, one word comes up that’s not on the list….ACCEPTANCE!
When I accept…. “Fear,” goes the other way.
Last week, I received a comment from a lady who wanted to renew the relationship with her sister; they had not talked in ten years, she said, “It never ceases to amaze me how fear can paralyze me!” She read our story and decided to accept her sister the way she was, and to make a call. That’s how you get rid of the “F,” word and the rewards are astonishing.
You do not have to wait for a funeral or a wedding;
it could even be a class reunion,
to say I accept/ love you!
There is another part of this…accepting yourself. For me, accepting me was extremely painful and fear of facing, that challenge was horrifying. However, the answer for me was to change the word “I,’ to ‘WE,’ only then could I feel….that I was not alone!…“What I can’t do; we can!”
How never to face fear… just….“DO NOTHING,”
of course the benefit of that is, YOU WILL “NEVER,” make mistakes?
Now fear takes many forms. I was confronted with the higher level of fear; terror, I was terrified, like that of a child seeing his first monster. I had uncontrollable dizzy spells, and my legs shook as if I was having a seizure. Although, it was not a seizure (real cause to be determined) my eyes rolled back, and I was on the brink of blacking out. Yes, very scary, thinking I would blackout and never wake up?
I know with these fears like that, you need to face it head on, and it should go away; no such luck, it didn’t. They called an ambulance and took me from the nursing home to the hospital and then to another hospital in Peoria. A part of me thinks this is all a dream and I will wake up back in Thailand. I kept pinching myself, no…. not a dream.
What got me going on all this mistake stuff; I watched this four-minute video (down below). It brought me back to some of the thoughts I had on the Camino, and that led me to the same place I always go…. that “Balance,” word. For me, balance could not be achieved until I added love and not just the “I love you,” words; action had to follow. I am sure you will enjoythis story, it fits into my life with the challenges I had this week.
If You Bring Love
by
Joseph Campbell
At a certain moment in Nietzsche’s life, the idea came to him of what he called ‘the love of your fate.’ Whatever your fate is, whatever the heck happens, you say, “This is what I need.” It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge.
If you bring love to that moment – not discouragement – you will find the strength is there. Any disaster that you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow. Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true.
Nothing can happen to you that are not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not.
Great little story, I know it reminds me how easy I can fall back into that non-productive life. So this week let’s all tackle the “F,” word and remember, to get through that change challenge we may make a few mistakes along the way.
I LOVE THIS LIFE!
Hope this made your morning coffee taste a little bit better, oh yes for my European and Thailand friends; your afternoon or evening tea. Lov…Jim
WOULD LOVE TO HEAR A COMMENT FROM YOU! Remember…. “Face the Fear!”
Make sure you watch this four- minute video it puts the cap on this story.
Ya, right! You know I talk to myself: a lot? And that was one of the most rewarding lessons I learned as I walked the 500-mile Camino de Santiago. I always get asked, what do you think about when you take a 56-day walk, most of the time by myself?….. without any cyber stuff: YOU LISTEN…. and that’s when I hear, “ANSWERS!” What is even more interesting, at times, I don’t know the question?
What’s cool about this cruise control thing is…. I feel the bumps, but I do get to the end as planned!
The past few weeks have been like a roller-coaster in my life. Am I going to walk again? Is this stroke permanent brain damage? Am I going to be booted out of this nursing home where I’m getting successful physical therapy? This is where the talking to myself really pays off?
OK, I have to tell you a little side story. The nurse came in my room and asked if I wanted to talk to a Psychiatrist, I said, “no!” I then talked to my sister, Joy, and she said, “why not.” I said, “Do you think I’m crazy?” She thought about it (for about an hour…lol), and she said, “No.” So, I did, he came in my room and asked if, “I was hearing voices?” I said, “Yes, I talk to myself, and I hear answers.” This is when he took out his prescription pad, and I stopped him and told him my Camino story. He put his pad away and said what a great way to live and said, he liked my lifestyle that I learned from the Camino walk. As he was leaving (I was thinking, “I really helped him!) I said, “Don’t worry doc, I won’t send you a bill,” he smiled.
OK, BACK TO MY DILEMMA OF SELF-QUESTIONS…
Lot’s on my plate this week. If you have read some of my previous post, on my Camino journey, I discovered three people inside me. Mr.”B,” (brain) Mr.”H,” (heart) and Mr.“S,” (soul). They do talk to me! (By this point you may think I am crazy?) Anyway, I got answers; they were “Don’t forget; you are not in this alone!”
My brother, Bob drove 400 miles to see me and my sister Joy was the exact support I needed at the right time. I also had Dr. Haugen and Dr. Debby on my team. Family is so important as I go through this challenge. They were my answer, and it got better, on the day we had the meeting with the hospital administrators; I got in the mail, extra insurance coverage for my next month. So my out-of-pocket cost was almost everything I had in my account. However, I was very happy with the way it turned out. On the day before our meeting, my physical therapist asked me, “How do you keep so calm with everything that was going on in your life; you may be homeless in a few days?” I said, “I just knew; everything would be OK”…one of those voices told me!
Yes, it was a roller-coaster ride, and I did have bumps in the road, but my cruise control was working; and yet…. I heard another voice! “NEVER GIVE UP!”
GOOD NEWS; YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE A 500-MILE STROLL TO LEARN ALL THESE LESSONS!
A support system is so important when going through any crises. Family was always most important to me. I know in my past because of my behavior, I hurt the ones I loved the most. However, many of my family and friends did forgive me. I know not everyone has a “Hollywood,” family, so you can create your own family with friends. Everyone needs somebody; I know I do!
This story below really touched me. If you knew your mother, father, brother, sister, child or even your best friend would be gone tomorrow: What would you say to them today?….TODAY IS NOW!
SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY?
Our story for the week, enjoy your coffee!
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.”
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. “What’s wrong, are you well?” she asked.
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. “I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,” I responded, “Just the two of us.” She thought about it for a moment, and then said, “I would like that very much.”
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s. “I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, “she said, as she got into the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. “It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,” she said. “Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,” I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation – nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.” I agreed.
“How was your dinner date?” asked my wife when I got home. “Very nice, much more so than I could have imagined,” I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: “I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.”
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying: “I LOVE YOU” and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.
By….Anonymous
My final step, Santiago, Cathedral, Spain
What a beautiful story, PLEASE…. tell someone today, (that’s all we got,) I LOVE YOU!
What a great response I got on the last week’s story. The comments and emails were extremely heartwarming. (click) Who would ever think that this little simple blog would help people to choose to change his or her life? All I do, is share a little about what’s going on in my life and find a good story that relates to challenges that we all go through!
No question: you all are my best medicine, and it is healing me. lov…Jim
I would love to hear any comments from you, and go ahead and share this link with someone you care about!
Photos….Google images.
Don’t forget to check out some more of my fun stuff, just click the names…
Coffee time guys…drink up and let’s soak up another lesson. I am overwhelmed with the response from around the world to this little simple message of the week. We have over 600 people read our coffee message this week (1st week was 70) so share and pass it on!
My good friend Greg, sent me a note this week, Jim, you can surrender, but “never,” give up! Greg was referring to my confusing medical condition and the emotional roller coaster I have been on.
On my 56-day Camino de Santiago walking journey, I was filled with many emotions and “surrender,” was often on my mind. However, I struggled with the difference in surrendering and giving up! I looked at surrendering as a sign of weakness; a message you give to the enemy during a battle. During my walk there were days when I did surrender and crashed for the night, but the thought of giving up the journey, never entered my mind.
Although, we know, as prisoners of war, they may have held their hands up, but never totally yielded to “giving up!” They were left with one weapon, “HOPE,” and that was their answer for possible freedom.
Now, that little short message mirrors the challenges that face me, and I’m sure, some of you, it will also blend to the Butterfly story below that affects all of us.
I wonder how many doctors skipped school on the days (or months) that they were taught compassion and respect? I know they do not have an easy job and have to see so many patients in a day, just to pay their malpractice insurance.
This problem is not just the Doctors (by the way, I have found two fantastic Doctors…yes,) it also filters down to other parts of our health care system. I am very grateful that I have insurance and know the USA has some of the best health care in the world; that’s why I came back from Thailand.
For the past three months, I have been bounced around from one Doctor to another and several hospitals plus two nursing homes. The nursing home I’m in now is fantastic it is extremely efficient and is filled with compassion and respect.
However, the nursing home I was in a few weeks ago was very inefficient,
and I was treated by some of the staff as a less-than human.
Most of you know me; I am a very strong person; however, the system broke me. Besides my back/spine problem, plus the stroke, I became weak and feeble; I was broken, mentally, physically and it even affected my spiritual life. This became much more challenging than walking the Camino say… 10 times! I could not have made it through this with all the help from my family and friends. My sister Joy was always at my side….You saved me!
At one point, at the first nursing home, I was offered the option to leave, but they took my crutches and walker and the only choice I had was to crawl on my hands and knees to get out of the door; they didn’t even care. They, in spite of, told me if I like Thailand so much “I should go back!” Since I was one of the few who could or would speak up for myself, I said, “You have abused me and pushed me to my limit,” they said, “This is not abuse, abuse is when someone hits you,” I said, “please hit me,” I am sure it will be less painful. At that point this strong man, cried, I was broken and because of my blood pressure, my vision went blank. They won…. I went pass surrender; I gave up!
This is when my Camino lessons kicked in, never give up, and I was not alone. Family and friends from around the world came to the rescue even though many did not know the situation I was in. I know this emotional abuse took a tool on me physically, my vision got worse, my spine felt more painful and the dizzy spells continued.
Today I surrender and feel I am now in the hands of knowledgeable people who can help and will try to get me back on the road to recovery. I am surrounded by medical people who care and we are all on the same team.
Now, how about the two doctors who told me, I would never get better, and my life will at no time, ever be the same? There is a possibility, they may be right! However, today, I chose not to believe that, hope is the only thing on my menu.
This is when my Camino lessons kick into overdrive; TODAY, I carry zero resentment’s against anyplace or anyone! And I guarantee you; from this experience, I learned even more lessons, which go into my Camino bank.
When your heart speaks…listen, however,
Don’t be confused if you hear noise from your head!
The man who found the cocoon had no intention to hurt anyone or anything, yet his action changed a life forever, back to the reaction thing! He could have been my Doctor?
The Butterfly surrendered and gave up; a choice we will all have to face someday…. Could the Butterfly be Me?
THE BUTTERFLY STORY
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
Stop…don’t think…listen
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!
Author Unknown
Love you guys, I will get better! Jim
Are you a butterfly; because of someone else’s actions?
Every struggle has a lesson; do you think that’s also a gift?
what I think they should do? How about if I do not live up to the standards I expect from myself? People handle these conflicts differently. Some get angry, others blame someone or something and many go into denial, it’s my parent’s fault I turned out like this or the government, they could even blame God! They may even use the excuse, “It was meant to be,” when we have just made wrong choices. I have been guilty of all the above! 
for at least one more month. The doctor said, I am at a high risk, for me to check out, “The Other Side.” So I will follow his orders, I told him, I am having too much fun with this life thing. By the way, he also walked the Camino; so, we had lots to talk about. He also said, that I cannot even consider my walk across Death Valley. I want to do this to support my friend Farah, with her new projects in Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia. So that is on hold for the moment.
Sunday Morning Coffee, with Jim 